Against Reason
by MisfitQueen
Summary: He loved her. How could he not? She was perfect in his eyes, and he was just a mess.


"_I loved her against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be."_

― Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

* * *

It wasn't in Hikaru's nature to be so hesitant.

The sound of her laughter echoed in the halls as her eyes gleamed brightly at his brother. Hikaru hadn't been paying attention to what was being said, but now he was curious. What did he miss that would make her emit such a beautiful sound? What could his twin have said that would make her head throw back and have her clutching her gut? To have her dark round eyes solely placed upon him?

It was only in seconds that she had turned her gaze at him, and all other thought was gone. His throat constricted. His chest heaved heavily. The sound of his heart had traveled straight to his ears. It was only on impulse that he smiled and gave out his own laugh.

"You should be more careful." She had warned him. He blinked in confusion. "Who knows what would have happened if your mom found out you were trying on her clothes?" Her smile…even though beautiful…was evil. His ears felt hot and his gaze snapped up to meet the identical pair of his own.

"You-!" Kaoru laughed boyishly and patted Hikaru's shoulder. "I was seven! And you aren't so innocent!" He yelled hotly. Kaoru's laughter ceased as his own face flushed. This gained another boisterous laugh from their best friend.

"Calm down." She then spoke. "It's perfectly normal for boys to be curious. Especially since your mom is a fashion designer. No need to be too embarrassed. I shouldn't have teased you like that." She quickly apologized, hoping to defuse the situation.

"It's okay." Hikaru grumbled. Kaoru perked up once more and began to tell another story. Hikaru had really tried to listen this time. Truly. However, he was so entranced by how lovely their female companion was, he found it terrifyingly difficult to focus on anything else.

He often daydreamed… or dreamed period… of pulling her aside in a crowded hallway and kissing the sense out of her. A passionate kiss that would have her toes curl. Her face would be cutely flushed, and her lips would be swollen when he was done. Then he would kiss her again, because she was just too appealing. This caused his confidence to fill every fiber of his being, but one look from the center of his dreams would completely deflate him.

He knew he was attractive. Girl constantly threw themselves at him and Kaoru. Their lockers would be flooded with confessions and professions of undying love. Girls swooned anytime they were around. And let's not even get started on how they reacted when they took their shirts off.

Hikaru could confidently state that he was a knockout…

But she made him second guess everything about appearance. Maybe he was too skinny, or maybe his eye color was off putting… or maybe she preferred blondes.

"…Karu. Hikaru!"

"What?" He snapped back to reality. Haruhi was mere inches from his face, looking very worried. For a small portion in time, Hikaru forgot how to breathe. Suddenly, her forehead was on his… her lips only a few centimeters away now. He could feel her breath mingle with his.

"You're burning up!" She exclaimed, backing away. "I knew you were acting strange. You need to go home and get some rest."

Was she really so oblivious? He wasn't sick… Okay, maybe a little love-sick.

"What? I'm fine." His voice was a bit more strained than he wanted, but he was proud his voice came out at all. She looked at him with heavy skepticism.

"Then why is your face so hot?" She questioned. Ding… The perfect moment.

He swooped in close, his embarrassment replaced with mischief. It was his turn to leave her speechless.

"My Haruhi. I didn't know you found my face hot. You should've told me sooner." His voice was low and sultry. He relished in the sight of a small shiver she had produced.

"You know that's not what I meant." She pushed him back slightly. "But if you can act like that, then you are okay." She then retreated into the Host Club doors, that Hikaru didn't even remember coming to. He followed her inside and saw his brother already getting their station ready. On autopilot, he walked over to him.

Kaoru looked up at him, a playful smile graced his features.

"You look flustered. Anything happen out those doors?" Hikaru only replied with a nudge and started to help settle everything. Their attention was stolen by the sound of Tamaki's pleas towards Haruhi. She looked completely unphased by whatever he was spouting.

Hikaru couldn't help the low rumble that made its way from the back of his throat. He ripped his eyes away and sat on the sofa. He was seething. Kaoru calmly sat next to him.

"It's getting harder for you isn't it?" He asked gently. Hikaru gave him a side-ways glance and sighed.

"I can't help it." I love her… It was unspoken but not unheard. Kaoru smiled softly at his brother.

"Why don't you tell her how you feel?" Hikaru scoffed at the suggestion. He then looked back at their President, who was now smothering Haruhi to his chest. His eyes burned at the sight, so he focused on the old English teapot in front of him.

"I don't stand a chance…" It was such a quiet whisper.

Hikaru was never known to be so defeated… but here he was. He knew he was attractive, but Tamaki was arguably more so.

Haruhi was amazing. She was beautiful and smart and enticing. She had this way about her that made everyone swarm to her. Everyone wanted to be around her, even those who believed she was a he. He would be foolish to believe that he even had a glimmer of a chance to sweep her off her feet.

But despite everything… He loved her.

So painfully in love with her.

Host activities went in a blur. Hikaru did his best to show no sign of his inner turmoil. He just fell into his usual rhythm without much thought. His eyes would wander to the Natural's sofa from time to time, trying to ignore the pang in his chest.

Before he knew it, it was over. He and Kaoru quickly picked up their section so that they could rush home. Hikaru just wanted to go to bed and forget everything else in the world.

"Hey, Hikaru?" He looked up to see Haruhi walking to him. He stopped instantly what he was doing and gave her all of his attention. "Could you help me real quick?" She gestured to the refreshment room. He nodded and followed her. When they reached their destination, Hikaru was confused to see it already nice and tidy.

"What did you need help with?"

"Nothing. I just needed to get you back here alone." She admitted shrugging her shoulders. He felt panic rise in his chest. Her eyes made him freeze in place. There was no escape. "What's been going on with you. I would say it's just today, but it's been longer. You've been spacing out lately and not paying attention even to Kaoru. Did something happen?"

He had no clue what to say… it's not like he could just confess how hopelessly in love he was with her.

"Is it a girl?" Hikaru's body went rigid. He all of a sudden couldn't look at her. "I see… Well, you need to tell her how you feel."

"It's not that easy." He spoke without thinking.

"Why not?"

"Because it just isn't." He wanted to leave. He didn't want to have this conversation. Especially not with her.

"I don't see what the big deal is…?"

"There's no way she like me back." He snapped. He was on the verge of tears now. This hurt to much, but he couldn't stop. "I'm not the only that likes her, and everyone else is so much better than me. I tried to stop. I tried to save myself the trouble. But I failed and now I can't stop thinking about how much I want her. I mean… I'm careless and immature and clumsy…"

"Hikaru stop!" Haruhi grabbed a hold of his sleeve. Her face was stern and hard. "Stop speaking so negatively about yourself. You're great. Super great. If that girl can't see how wonderful you are then your better off without her. If she makes you feel so terrible about yourself why do you like her so much?"

"Because she's perfect." He whispered staring at her. He noticed that she flinched slightly when he spoke those words.

"Apparently not if she's causing you rip yourself apart like that." She sneered slightly. "If she was so perfect than she should see how amazing you are. She should see how funny and sweet you can be. And see how loyal you are. She should be able to see that you love with your whole heart. If she is so perfect, Hikaru… She should see what I see."

Time froze. Breaths were stolen. Eyes were wide. His in excitement. Hers in disbelief.

"Haruhi…" He was on a cloud. Had she just confessed her love for him in a way?

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. I just… I wanted you to stop beating yourself up. You're better than that. She's lucky to be in your sights." With that Haruhi turned to walk out. She had already taken a few steps out when Hikaru burst out behind her.

The ruckus gained the attention of all the other hosts and the few girls that were left in the music room. Haruhi's eyes widened once more. Hikaru's eyes were only on her. Audience be damned.

"It's you!" He exclaimed. "It's you. I feel like I'm no good for you. You're so perfect and amazing. How do I even stand a chance against everyone else? You make me question everything about myself, but when you're around me… when you look at me… I feel so free." He stood flushed against her now. Her wrapped his arms around her waist and cradled her close to him. "If you love me back… I'd have no other choice to believe those things you said. Because if someone loves someone like me… then I must not be that bad after all."

With a small exhale, Haruhi smiled at him. The weight of everyone's gaze finally collapsed on him. He awkwardly stepped back but found that she was in his space once again.

"You must not be then." She spoke. She leaned up and kissed him… right in front of everyone.


End file.
